Monday, May 14, 2012
I'm More Infertile Than You
Yes I realize this is not a competition, but it irks me when people complain about being IF when they've only been off BC for three months, or already have a kid (or kids) and can't easily get pregnant the second (third, forth, fifth) time. I just hate that. Or worse is when someone tries to console me or comiserate with me by telling me how it took them six months to concieve there first child, 20 months to concieve their second child and their third was an "accident." First of all F OFF! You have three kids! I have none. Second, 6 months?! REALLY!? Try 25 Cycles! And we have no kids. IDK maybe people who've been TTC longer than me, feel that way when I complain about my 25 cycles, but I just really can't have any pity for those TTC #2, #3, #4, etc.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Decision Time
I did something kinda mean at work tos a coworker. She is 11weeks and was just complaining about daycare and maternity leave. She knows we’ve been struggling and said ”just so u know if...no, WHEN u get pregnant u only get 6 weeks” (shes one of these fertile optimist BS spewers who also told me we weren’t getting pregnant because its just not meant to be, and it'll happen when we stop trying)
Anyway,
I said "o I don’t have to worry about that I’ll never get pregnant, dr says I’m broken” I told her about all out tests and that my FSH levels are high which could mean I have bad eggs and missed my window of fertility when I was younger. Then I went into the complications (emotionally, physically, and financially) of fertility treatment and adoption.
Then she just stood there, teared up, and said she was so sorry and maybe she should think about those things before she complains.
Sorry I let infertility make me a bitch today, but it made me feel better, and hopefully will help her to think before she complains to infertiles. I really like this girl and I'm supportive of her and her pregnancy, but I have to look out for my feelings too.
Also a couple weeks ago DH talked to his best friend (see loud, opinionated, and bombarding DH with questions and inquiries without being fully educated on IF) and came home to hash it out with me. He said he wouldn’t accept the whole “unexplained IF” and wanted a second opinion and more tests. I got really upset because it really slammed on the brakes on my babytrain. Plus we’d already spent $3000 out on tests. I've told him all about what "unexplained IF" means, but apparently he doesn't always listen when I'm droning on about IF, so when his friend started asking questions and he didn't know the answers it freaked him out.
Anyway, we did have more tests (still showed nothing except confirmed that my FSH is 10.9, which is kinda high) and talked to three different IF specialists. Basically we’re considered “subfertile” and instead of the normal 20% chance of getting knocked up ours might be more like 2% due to possibly not Oing one cycle, or missing BD on the right days, or whatever. The dr said there are lots of probabilities and ratios and for whatever reason we’re not getting knocked up naturally. Where a normal fertile couple takes 12 mos on average, it could take us 90 mos (or longer)
Also, they say any additional testing is pointless because whatever “problem” they find, IVF will circumvent it. We’ve ruled out sperm count/quality, DNA fragmentation, hormones, and ovary/tubal/uterus issues.
Now DH is back on board, he's even been calling the different fertility clinics and getting info! We're both going to my consult/US on the 24th so he can get the info directly from the Dr. We're pretty sure we're going with Dr Silber or Dr Ahlering. Dr Ahlering is young and good looking. I've met him and I feel very comfortable with him. IVF with him is $10725 + $580 for anesthesia + $720 to freeze the extra ebryos + $610/year to store embryos + $500 for assisted hatching + $3000-$6000 for meds + $340 for US + $300 for SA and DNA fragmentation + whatever the ins charges for bloodwork. So a max total of approx $22000.
Dr Silber is older, more experienced and worked to develop ICSI (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection). I haven't met him yet, so I don't know what kind of rapor I'll have with him. The IVF with him would be $11700 + $3000-50000 for meds + whatever our ins charges for bloodwork. So a max total of approx $18000.
Anyway,
I said "o I don’t have to worry about that I’ll never get pregnant, dr says I’m broken” I told her about all out tests and that my FSH levels are high which could mean I have bad eggs and missed my window of fertility when I was younger. Then I went into the complications (emotionally, physically, and financially) of fertility treatment and adoption.
Then she just stood there, teared up, and said she was so sorry and maybe she should think about those things before she complains.
Sorry I let infertility make me a bitch today, but it made me feel better, and hopefully will help her to think before she complains to infertiles. I really like this girl and I'm supportive of her and her pregnancy, but I have to look out for my feelings too.
Also a couple weeks ago DH talked to his best friend (see loud, opinionated, and bombarding DH with questions and inquiries without being fully educated on IF) and came home to hash it out with me. He said he wouldn’t accept the whole “unexplained IF” and wanted a second opinion and more tests. I got really upset because it really slammed on the brakes on my babytrain. Plus we’d already spent $3000 out on tests. I've told him all about what "unexplained IF" means, but apparently he doesn't always listen when I'm droning on about IF, so when his friend started asking questions and he didn't know the answers it freaked him out.
Anyway, we did have more tests (still showed nothing except confirmed that my FSH is 10.9, which is kinda high) and talked to three different IF specialists. Basically we’re considered “subfertile” and instead of the normal 20% chance of getting knocked up ours might be more like 2% due to possibly not Oing one cycle, or missing BD on the right days, or whatever. The dr said there are lots of probabilities and ratios and for whatever reason we’re not getting knocked up naturally. Where a normal fertile couple takes 12 mos on average, it could take us 90 mos (or longer)
Also, they say any additional testing is pointless because whatever “problem” they find, IVF will circumvent it. We’ve ruled out sperm count/quality, DNA fragmentation, hormones, and ovary/tubal/uterus issues.
Now DH is back on board, he's even been calling the different fertility clinics and getting info! We're both going to my consult/US on the 24th so he can get the info directly from the Dr. We're pretty sure we're going with Dr Silber or Dr Ahlering. Dr Ahlering is young and good looking. I've met him and I feel very comfortable with him. IVF with him is $10725 + $580 for anesthesia + $720 to freeze the extra ebryos + $610/year to store embryos + $500 for assisted hatching + $3000-$6000 for meds + $340 for US + $300 for SA and DNA fragmentation + whatever the ins charges for bloodwork. So a max total of approx $22000.
Dr Silber is older, more experienced and worked to develop ICSI (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection). I haven't met him yet, so I don't know what kind of rapor I'll have with him. The IVF with him would be $11700 + $3000-50000 for meds + whatever our ins charges for bloodwork. So a max total of approx $18000.
So we're leaning towards Dr Silber, but we'll see how the consultation goes.
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