Cycle 23 CD 13
A girl at my work is pregnant. She's been married for 8 months. I really like her so I am happy for her, but so sorry for myself. It just makes me want to withdraw more. From all fertiles. I want to give up trying. I am done doing the ''baby dance'' I am contemplating just disappearing, or getting a divorce and starting a new life as a single childless woman. I hate this! I feel horrible. Been crying all day, blaming my red eyes on allergies. I really don't see a point in my life. I work a menial job, live in a boring subdivide. I'm not especially intelligent or creative. I'm fat and not as good looking as I once was. I'm not talented at anything especially. I always thought I'd be a great housewife and mother. Now I have no point.
Needless to say we wasted $325 on the IUI.
This is our list of names we've been making for the last two years
Ronin/Ronan
Jovian
Sullivan
Nell
River
Quinn
Lincoln
Ruby
Fiona
Phineus (Phineas)
Hendrix
Nora
Luna
Foster
Jewell
Helena
Adele
Malcolm
Desmond
Penelope
Mira
Tesla
Brixton
Amelia
Xavier
Wren
Renly
Jorie
Jory
Guess it's pointless too
Monday, March 19, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Cycle 22 CD21
I’ve come out. I specifically told my boss, some friends, and my parents that we have IF. With others I’ve also been able to casually mention it in conversations, which helps with any misunderstanding / people saying something unintentionally hurting me. Ex: coworker “that’s why you need to have kids” me “that’s why we’ve been trying for the last two years.”
Last cycle I was very late (a whole week, 7 days!) and we got our hopes up, and then I got really, really down. I decided to see a counselor and he was a blow hard who mostly talked about himself, but I did take away a couple good things: at least I’m not an old fart counselor who’s office manager stole all their money and skipped town because she was on drugs (yes, this is what he told me).
Also I started getting laser hair removal on my thighs, buttocks, and upper lip. I’m trying to get back in some sort of shape other that fat and lumpy. I had my first massage in a year this week and plan to have one every week. My Dr. prescribed them, so I can use HSA funds, Yay! This should help me relax and not be in pain. There are even techniques that promote fertility and help to eliminate cellulite. We’re going to Mexico in July, so that’s motivation. They also say once you do something like get in shape, book laser hair removal it jinxes you and you immediately get pregnant. Man, I hope so. I had an IUI on Friday the 23rd of February. Dr seemed very optimistic, he said sperm were active and plentiful and my CM looked good. Today if feels like someone punched me in the boob.
I’ve come out. I specifically told my boss, some friends, and my parents that we have IF. With others I’ve also been able to casually mention it in conversations, which helps with any misunderstanding / people saying something unintentionally hurting me. Ex: coworker “that’s why you need to have kids” me “that’s why we’ve been trying for the last two years.”
Last cycle I was very late (a whole week, 7 days!) and we got our hopes up, and then I got really, really down. I decided to see a counselor and he was a blow hard who mostly talked about himself, but I did take away a couple good things: at least I’m not an old fart counselor who’s office manager stole all their money and skipped town because she was on drugs (yes, this is what he told me).
Also I started getting laser hair removal on my thighs, buttocks, and upper lip. I’m trying to get back in some sort of shape other that fat and lumpy. I had my first massage in a year this week and plan to have one every week. My Dr. prescribed them, so I can use HSA funds, Yay! This should help me relax and not be in pain. There are even techniques that promote fertility and help to eliminate cellulite. We’re going to Mexico in July, so that’s motivation. They also say once you do something like get in shape, book laser hair removal it jinxes you and you immediately get pregnant. Man, I hope so. I had an IUI on Friday the 23rd of February. Dr seemed very optimistic, he said sperm were active and plentiful and my CM looked good. Today if feels like someone punched me in the boob.
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