How can you have an accidental or surprise pregnancy? I mean I get it, you weren’t actively “trying” but if you are engaged in sexual activity with a person of the opposite sex there is always a chance you will make a baby. I hate it when people (especially when they’re having unprotected sex, using no birth control at all) call it an “accident” when they get pregnant. Why is it so easy for some people that it happens on “accident?” I mean they’re just hanging out doin stuff and “surprise!” you’re pregnant. Booooooo I much prefer “unplanned pregnancy,” but screw everyone who has an “unplanned pregnancy” too!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Oops it was an "accident"
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Unexplained?
Having such a rough day with things that have nothing to do with IF.
Also, I'm searching the interwebs looking for "unexplained inferitlity" support groups or forums but keep finding people that say they have "unexplained infertility" but then list: SA came back to show low count, or poor mobility; irregular cycles due to "x"; past the ideal age and have very few follicles. These to me are reasons for infertilty and therefore explained!! The doctors have found nothing with DH and I. WTF?! SA-good, Clomid challenge - good, follicles - abundance, hormones - normal, cycle - regular, tubes - clear. Yet still here we are 17 cycles in and nothing, not a single positive pregnancy test. This is so hard.
Also, I'm searching the interwebs looking for "unexplained inferitlity" support groups or forums but keep finding people that say they have "unexplained infertility" but then list: SA came back to show low count, or poor mobility; irregular cycles due to "x"; past the ideal age and have very few follicles. These to me are reasons for infertilty and therefore explained!! The doctors have found nothing with DH and I. WTF?! SA-good, Clomid challenge - good, follicles - abundance, hormones - normal, cycle - regular, tubes - clear. Yet still here we are 17 cycles in and nothing, not a single positive pregnancy test. This is so hard.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tubes are clear!
Cycle 17 CD 6
HSG revealed open and clear tubes!! So now I'm taking clomid again CD5-9 and I'll continue to temp and do OPKs and when I get a (+) we'll BD. They say we're more likely to get knocked up after an HSG. Feeling slightly more hopeful today.
We're also considering another SA and then I guess we'll start saving for the IUI.
HSG revealed open and clear tubes!! So now I'm taking clomid again CD5-9 and I'll continue to temp and do OPKs and when I get a (+) we'll BD. They say we're more likely to get knocked up after an HSG. Feeling slightly more hopeful today.
We're also considering another SA and then I guess we'll start saving for the IUI.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Crossroads
Cycle 17 CD 1
Well I counted my cycles wrong since I actually had two in July, I'm actually on cycle 17 since going off BC, cycle 13 of very much TTC. I'm also up to the last test. All my blood work and scans came back fine, so now I get to have a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) an X-ray test that examines the inside of uterus and fallopian tubes by shooting a dye up my cervix.
I'm very nervous. This is it the last test. No matter the results it's not going to be good news. Either my tubes are fine and then we'll spend more $$ on IUI and cross our fingers. If that doesn't work then we have ”unexplained infertility” which, according to a couple articles I’ve read, can be where the eggs themselves are just wonky with a too hard shell, or the sperm look ok in the lab but do not preform well in the ”field,” or the egg does not interact well with the sperm or the female reproductive organs.
If my tubes are blocked or broken we're SOL. We don't have the $$$$ for IVF and won't be able to save enough while I'm still in my ''child bearing age''
So if we can't make babies we’re selling our ranch home with the finished basement and two extra bedrooms (the kids’ rooms) We’re moving to an apartment and saving lots of money to go on lavish vacations. We can plan weeks to spend with our nieces and nephews. We will be the best aunt and uncle ever! Then maybe when we’re 40 we’ll have enough saved for adoption and we can start that adventure full of hearbreak and red tape. :-/
Well I counted my cycles wrong since I actually had two in July, I'm actually on cycle 17 since going off BC, cycle 13 of very much TTC. I'm also up to the last test. All my blood work and scans came back fine, so now I get to have a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) an X-ray test that examines the inside of uterus and fallopian tubes by shooting a dye up my cervix.
I'm very nervous. This is it the last test. No matter the results it's not going to be good news. Either my tubes are fine and then we'll spend more $$ on IUI and cross our fingers. If that doesn't work then we have ”unexplained infertility” which, according to a couple articles I’ve read, can be where the eggs themselves are just wonky with a too hard shell, or the sperm look ok in the lab but do not preform well in the ”field,” or the egg does not interact well with the sperm or the female reproductive organs.
If my tubes are blocked or broken we're SOL. We don't have the $$$$ for IVF and won't be able to save enough while I'm still in my ''child bearing age''
So if we can't make babies we’re selling our ranch home with the finished basement and two extra bedrooms (the kids’ rooms) We’re moving to an apartment and saving lots of money to go on lavish vacations. We can plan weeks to spend with our nieces and nephews. We will be the best aunt and uncle ever! Then maybe when we’re 40 we’ll have enough saved for adoption and we can start that adventure full of hearbreak and red tape. :-/
Friday, October 7, 2011
Good news everybody!
Cycle 14 CD 17
Ok got a pos OPK Wednesday CD 15 at noon, then again later that evening, and again Thursday morning and still positive, but then negative at noon. So that was my 12 hour surge, which means I O’d (ovulated)!!! We got lots of BD’s in there even meeting for lunch Tuesday and Thursday. I’ve having trouble with my BBT because I sleep walk and find myself up out of bed at 2 & 4am when I’m supposed to be sleeping and taking my resting body temp at 6am.
All my tests so far have come back and I have an “abundance” of good follicles, no visible masses or cysts, and all my hormone levels are good. I’m going back for a progesterone test on CD21 and then one more a week after that. I’m both relieved and frustrated with these results. I’m glad I’m healthy and my reproductive system seems to be functioning properly, but then why haven’t we gotten pregnant for 13 cycles?? Ok I’ll knock a few off for poor timing, and I may have not O’d one cycle (when I had a cyst rupture) but that still leaves about 7 cycles that we timed everything right. The conditions were perfect and nothin. As I said before when DH finishes all is well. His swimmers are strong and plentiful. Honestly if we had “x” problem it would be somewhat of a relief, more than the unknown.
The next test will see if my tubes are blocked by using a dye injection (sounds cool and sciencey).
Ok got a pos OPK Wednesday CD 15 at noon, then again later that evening, and again Thursday morning and still positive, but then negative at noon. So that was my 12 hour surge, which means I O’d (ovulated)!!! We got lots of BD’s in there even meeting for lunch Tuesday and Thursday. I’ve having trouble with my BBT because I sleep walk and find myself up out of bed at 2 & 4am when I’m supposed to be sleeping and taking my resting body temp at 6am.
All my tests so far have come back and I have an “abundance” of good follicles, no visible masses or cysts, and all my hormone levels are good. I’m going back for a progesterone test on CD21 and then one more a week after that. I’m both relieved and frustrated with these results. I’m glad I’m healthy and my reproductive system seems to be functioning properly, but then why haven’t we gotten pregnant for 13 cycles?? Ok I’ll knock a few off for poor timing, and I may have not O’d one cycle (when I had a cyst rupture) but that still leaves about 7 cycles that we timed everything right. The conditions were perfect and nothin. As I said before when DH finishes all is well. His swimmers are strong and plentiful. Honestly if we had “x” problem it would be somewhat of a relief, more than the unknown.
The next test will see if my tubes are blocked by using a dye injection (sounds cool and sciencey).
Saturday, October 1, 2011
TTC Recap June - September 2011
More ramblings from my KTTC forum:
June 9, 2011
Pregnant Women are Smug
June 14, 2011
Is it possible to have EWCM and regular “creamy” CM at the same time? Hope to BD tonight. Horrible nightmares last night about women giving birth in the school cafeteria and me having a still born
June 16, 2011
well I think the reason i had EWCM was because I was getting a cold, I’ve been sick for the last couple days and generally snotty, feeling much better today, really need to BD as it is CD13 and we’ve yet to do that :-(
June 18, 2011
Gahhh, where to begin? Today was father’s day lunch with DH’s family. MIL brings in all the cards and gifts and puts them in front of FIL, but leaves our card sitting in the other room. DH mentions it, and she says “oh I didn’t know who that was for” ???? So she grabs it and gives it to me…? So I give it to FIL. He opens the card and gift from MIL, one from SIL and family (a shirt with all her kid’s names on it, something like “grandpa’s team”) then completely ignores ours. It’s like because we haven’t given them any grandchildren we don’t count.
Also, all my SIL drives me nuts! Everytime I’m holding her baby, she constantly says “here give him to me so you can sit down/eat/dink/relax” or “you want me to take him?” No, I’m fine! I’ve babysat since I was 12 (that’s almost 20 years!) newborns-preteens. If I’m holding the baby it’s because I want to. He’s cute, I love babies, and I don’t get to see him much. If I wanted to sit/eat/relax I would, and I could do so while I’m holding the baby.
Does she think I’m completely incompetent? Does she not trust me? My nephew lived with me for the first year of his life, I’m quite capable. It wouldn’t be so bad if she did this while the grandparents other aunts and uncles where holding him, but it’s just me. Is it just because I’m not a mother myself, she thinks I can’t handle it?
Also, we offer to babysit her kids all the time, but she always declines, and says “oh you guys don’t have to do that” or “you dont’ know what you’re getting into” really? like I said lots of babysitting under my belt, one summer it was me and a family of 5 children ages 2-8, and we all came out of it alive and I was only 15 then. I like kids, I’m good with kids. Today at lunch she says how they’re going out for their anniversaryl and her husband’s sister is watching the kids, so it’s not like they don’t ever go out and leave their kids with a babysitter, for some reason just not us.
Also she sends DH (her brother) father’s day cards to “a great uncle of father’s day” which i think is kinda silly, but if he gets one, why don’t I on mother’s day, it’s not like DH sees the kids any more than I do.
DH’s family is good in so many ways, but this kid thing is making me not want to associate with them.
Don’t even get me started on the conversation we ALL had about our baby making. They (MIL, SIL, BIL, and FIL) corner us in the kitchen and asked a bunch of questions, shared all their unwanted, BS advice about relaxing and “letting it happen” that’s how it worke for them and now look they all have plently of kids. GAAHHHH! Just shoot me now
June 22, 2011
All right here we are again, BD CD13,14,15 and 18, think I O’d on CD 15, really wish I was just pregnant already so I could stop sucking in my belly
Eta we also tried instead soft cups this time
June 26, 2011
(implantaion?) spotting on 7dpo. 8dpo now, must wait to test
June 28, 2011
10Dpo af due 2-3 days, think I will break down and test today
June 29, 2011
CD26 spotting and cramps poas not pregnant again, guess I’m still just fat. Next month will be our last try before we look into more testing. We’re still gonna use instead and shoot for o week, but we’re getting frustrated!
July 5, 2011
July 2011 officially marks our one year point of “trying”. I look back at when we started, so bright eyed and bushy tailed. That seems so long ago, so far away. I feel like our spirit has been broken. On the other hand I also feel we’ve learned so much. I’ve learned a great deal about myself, my body, the human reproduction system. When we first started we thought we’d just “let it happen” if it didn’t happen right away, no big deal, we were enjoying just being together, just the two of us. Now I want to be a mother. I want us to be a family. I want it more than anything.
I feel I’ve aged a decade over the last year. I’m worn out, but wiser. Both DH and I have both calmed down and gotten more domestic. We have become such a great team, crying on eachother’s shoulder, holding eachother up, making eachother laugh, making a home together.
So now for this month’s game plan: instead softcups again, OPKs, temps, maybe try using the softcups as a recepticle and then inserting them since volume may be an issue with DH, as always I’ll keep you posted
If you know me in real life you don’t even know we’re really trying. I fawn over friend’s/family’s pregnancies/babies and then cry myself to sleep. I work a lot, keep busy with hobbies, stay active and busy trying to keep my mind off of it. It’s just really hard that first day of AF and especially that night :-(
We’ve just got to keep at it though, right? We’re all in this together, and that helps.
July 11, 2011
OPK still (-) twiddling my thumbs here
July 12, 2011
OPK right when I wake up in the morning and right after lunch for the last couple of days, both say (-) dooooo doo dooo, just waiting here.
July 13, 2011
Maybe got a (+) the lines is just about as dark as the control, LOTS of EWCM, so we’re going for it tonight!
July 14, 2011
Even though it hasn’t gone exactly how I originally planned, I’m still glad I waited. I didn’t get knocked up as a teenager or even in my 20’s like it seems everyone else I know did. I waited until I settled down, found Mr Right, and felt ready to start trying to make a baby. I do not regret this decision.
I can’t imagine life if I had bore the seed of some of my exes, they were not always good people/boyfriends I can’t imagine the horrible fathers they would have made.
I also hear friends who had children very young talking about it resentfully, like it stole thier youth/body. I, on the other hand rocked a sexy bikini body in my late teens to mid twenties, traveled around the world, partied for days on end and worked on establishing my career.
Now that that’s out of my system I feel “ready” to have kids. I grew out of that stage in my life on my own not because I got knocked up and had to grow up. So even when I feel resentfull of all my “mom” friends I remind myself that this was my plan all along, and it’s just taking a little longer.
July 18, 2011
I’m here now, pretty sure I O’d between CD12-14. We did something very unromantic this time, DH splooged in a softcup and then I inserted it. I know it sounds horrible, but it’s the only way to guarantee the small amount got where it needed to go. (DH has low volume and just inserting the softcup after BD didn’t secure it all. We did make love a couple times in there too with lots of foreplay, so it wasn’t completely clinical and cold, but still felt silly for both of us.
July 19, 2011
Can I revive this thread? I would like to lay claim names, before they are all stolen by friends and family. How do I do this? It’s not like you can pee on them to mark them as your own. I’ve had several names just blantently snatched up, one girl even said something like “I know this was gonna be your girl name, but we really like it.” plus it was a family name, now we are out of luck. Are we doomed to have the leftover scraps of names since we can’t get knocked up before everyone else?
eta
I love the name Amelia, but have way too many “Amy’s” around to use that nickname. Does your daughter go by Amy? DH likes the nickname “Mellie”
ps I really like the name “Rain/Rayne”
My middle name is my grandmother’s name. My cousin used it for her girls middle name, but spelled it wrong. When she emailed me to tell me what that they were planning on naming her after Grandma, I corrected her on the spelling, and she said it was just a typo, but low and behold a few months later the birth announcement had the name spelled wrong again. It seems like a slap in the face. It’s part of my name so I know how to spell it, not to mention the fact that grandma pretty much raised me while my cousin lived 1000 miles away. Grrr, it probably shouldn’t bother me, but it does
Eta at least it’s family
July 20, 2011
Agree (100) Phonetic, made up spellings and names bother me too.
In my cousin’s case she didn’t seem to know how to spell Grandma’s name, so I don’t think she intentionally changed it. It’s like she didn’t care enough to get it right, it doesn’t seem so much like an ”honor” if you misspell it
July 25, 2011
BBs have been sore, like really sore, for the last few days. Usually they are only sore a couple days before AF, and that’s not due for a few days. I’m breaking out too. POAS twice (yesterday and Saturday) both times were (-) so mmmm. But I was only 7-9 DPO (never got a really clear positive OPK) guess I’ll just have to wait and see. I did buy more OPKs last night, so hopefully that will jinx me :-)
Spotting and cramps, AF will be here tomorrow :-(
what to do next? I’ve charted, used OPKs. I have regular cycles with clear temp shifts, cm, and LH surges and always had regular paps. DH had normal SA, neither of us are especially unhealthy, maybe I’m 10lbs and he’s 20 lbs over weight, but not enough that it should matter. I take prenatal vitamins, only half a cup of coffee
on weekdays. What are we doing wrong? And if I hear one more person say ”of course you’ll get pregnant, even crack heads get pregnant” I’m going to shoot them! Really you’re comparing me to a crackhead? And what if I can’t conceive I should start smoking crack?
July 27, 2011
I’m on CD26 my cycles avg 27 days and I’m Confused. Monday I had my usual pre-AF brown spotting, then yesterday was the same with a few drops of bright red, then this morning only one drop of bright red. Usually my cycle is so predictable: 2-3 days brown spotting followed by one day of a consistent light red flow, then 1-2 days medium-heavy red flow followed by 1-2 days light red consistent flow, then tapering off to brown spotting for another 1-2 days. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m used to using liners and tampons and this time I’m using the soft cup, so it seems different, but it’s very weird.
eta correct avg cycle length
July 29, 2011
well, I’m back here again… really got motivated to get in shape this morning, unfortunately it was on my way to work… in an office… until 6:30pm… and we have dinner plans after work. So my actual working out will have to come tomorrow afternoon, hope I’m still motivated then :-/
eta if it’s not baby fat, it’s not as cute :-/ DH has been talking about getting in shape too, so maybe if we do this together it’ll work this time. I hate working out, so I have to trick myself into it by doing fun things that are still active and healthy (biking, walking, dancing, etc)
August 9, 2011
We’re doing science over here using softcups. it’s not romantic, but it’s the only way to be sure things get to where they need to be on the days it needs to be there. started on CD10, today is CD13
We’ve been talking about this too. We’ve been TTC for 13 months now. We don’t have a lot of savings to spend on expensive treatments or adoption right now.
Honestly if it weren’t so expensive/complicated I would’ve adopted right off the bat, now i’m finding that TTC is going to be expensive/complicated too.
I think we are going to continue trying for another five months, and then re-evaluate.
We’re saving money to buy a new house. Currently we are living in a lower income area and would like to be in a bit better neighborhood for raising children, but with the housing market the way it is, I don’t know how we’ll ever sell our house. So there’s been talk about using that money to do IVF. Then start saving again for later on when the babe is school age and then we can move.
Also there’s a possiblity we’ll just stop TTC and instead save money like crazy to move to a nicer nieghborhood and adopt when we’re about 40
I don’t think I can ever just resolve to be childless, where there is a will there is a way.
Not so much a vent, but I’m really freaked out. I’ve been having a wierd pang of pain in my right ovary, I thought it was O pain, but I noticed it throughout my last cycle. I also found a bump next to my cervix. I have an appt with my OB/GYN, but it’s not until end of September. I wonder what’s going on with me… nervous, scared, anxious.
August 12, 2011
Ok here I am CD16 we’ve done soft cups every day since CD10, going strong!
August 14, 2011
All right I’m here cd18, pretty sure I O’d onCD14. Going to the drs tuesday for my pains and lump think I’ll have them test my progesterone too just to be safe
Couldn’t get into my obgyn but got into my reg dr hopefully she can do us and check my progesterone
August 16, 2011
Well I went to my dr about my pains which said was probably just my ovaries working. She was surprised to hear that I was checking my own cervix and said that could be bad, causing infection… but didn’t check my lump or do an US. she said the Gyno should check all those things even though I told her I couldn’t get into my Gyno for a month and a half.
So basically it was a pointless visit, I’m about 6DPO, please oh please let me be pregnant so I tell my dr that all my charting and cervical checking paid off
August 17, 2011
June 9, 2011
Pregnant Women are Smug
June 14, 2011
Is it possible to have EWCM and regular “creamy” CM at the same time? Hope to BD tonight. Horrible nightmares last night about women giving birth in the school cafeteria and me having a still born
June 16, 2011
well I think the reason i had EWCM was because I was getting a cold, I’ve been sick for the last couple days and generally snotty, feeling much better today, really need to BD as it is CD13 and we’ve yet to do that :-(
June 18, 2011
Gahhh, where to begin? Today was father’s day lunch with DH’s family. MIL brings in all the cards and gifts and puts them in front of FIL, but leaves our card sitting in the other room. DH mentions it, and she says “oh I didn’t know who that was for” ???? So she grabs it and gives it to me…? So I give it to FIL. He opens the card and gift from MIL, one from SIL and family (a shirt with all her kid’s names on it, something like “grandpa’s team”) then completely ignores ours. It’s like because we haven’t given them any grandchildren we don’t count.
Also, all my SIL drives me nuts! Everytime I’m holding her baby, she constantly says “here give him to me so you can sit down/eat/dink/relax” or “you want me to take him?” No, I’m fine! I’ve babysat since I was 12 (that’s almost 20 years!) newborns-preteens. If I’m holding the baby it’s because I want to. He’s cute, I love babies, and I don’t get to see him much. If I wanted to sit/eat/relax I would, and I could do so while I’m holding the baby.
Does she think I’m completely incompetent? Does she not trust me? My nephew lived with me for the first year of his life, I’m quite capable. It wouldn’t be so bad if she did this while the grandparents other aunts and uncles where holding him, but it’s just me. Is it just because I’m not a mother myself, she thinks I can’t handle it?
Also, we offer to babysit her kids all the time, but she always declines, and says “oh you guys don’t have to do that” or “you dont’ know what you’re getting into” really? like I said lots of babysitting under my belt, one summer it was me and a family of 5 children ages 2-8, and we all came out of it alive and I was only 15 then. I like kids, I’m good with kids. Today at lunch she says how they’re going out for their anniversaryl and her husband’s sister is watching the kids, so it’s not like they don’t ever go out and leave their kids with a babysitter, for some reason just not us.
Also she sends DH (her brother) father’s day cards to “a great uncle of father’s day” which i think is kinda silly, but if he gets one, why don’t I on mother’s day, it’s not like DH sees the kids any more than I do.
DH’s family is good in so many ways, but this kid thing is making me not want to associate with them.
Don’t even get me started on the conversation we ALL had about our baby making. They (MIL, SIL, BIL, and FIL) corner us in the kitchen and asked a bunch of questions, shared all their unwanted, BS advice about relaxing and “letting it happen” that’s how it worke for them and now look they all have plently of kids. GAAHHHH! Just shoot me now
June 22, 2011
All right here we are again, BD CD13,14,15 and 18, think I O’d on CD 15, really wish I was just pregnant already so I could stop sucking in my belly
Eta we also tried instead soft cups this time
June 26, 2011
(implantaion?) spotting on 7dpo. 8dpo now, must wait to test
June 28, 2011
10Dpo af due 2-3 days, think I will break down and test today
June 29, 2011
CD26 spotting and cramps poas not pregnant again, guess I’m still just fat. Next month will be our last try before we look into more testing. We’re still gonna use instead and shoot for o week, but we’re getting frustrated!
July 5, 2011
July 2011 officially marks our one year point of “trying”. I look back at when we started, so bright eyed and bushy tailed. That seems so long ago, so far away. I feel like our spirit has been broken. On the other hand I also feel we’ve learned so much. I’ve learned a great deal about myself, my body, the human reproduction system. When we first started we thought we’d just “let it happen” if it didn’t happen right away, no big deal, we were enjoying just being together, just the two of us. Now I want to be a mother. I want us to be a family. I want it more than anything.
I feel I’ve aged a decade over the last year. I’m worn out, but wiser. Both DH and I have both calmed down and gotten more domestic. We have become such a great team, crying on eachother’s shoulder, holding eachother up, making eachother laugh, making a home together.
So now for this month’s game plan: instead softcups again, OPKs, temps, maybe try using the softcups as a recepticle and then inserting them since volume may be an issue with DH, as always I’ll keep you posted
I try really hard not to dwell on this stuff too muchDitto.
If you know me in real life you don’t even know we’re really trying. I fawn over friend’s/family’s pregnancies/babies and then cry myself to sleep. I work a lot, keep busy with hobbies, stay active and busy trying to keep my mind off of it. It’s just really hard that first day of AF and especially that night :-(
We’ve just got to keep at it though, right? We’re all in this together, and that helps.
July 11, 2011
OPK still (-) twiddling my thumbs here
July 12, 2011
OPK right when I wake up in the morning and right after lunch for the last couple of days, both say (-) dooooo doo dooo, just waiting here.
July 13, 2011
Maybe got a (+) the lines is just about as dark as the control, LOTS of EWCM, so we’re going for it tonight!
July 14, 2011
Even though it hasn’t gone exactly how I originally planned, I’m still glad I waited. I didn’t get knocked up as a teenager or even in my 20’s like it seems everyone else I know did. I waited until I settled down, found Mr Right, and felt ready to start trying to make a baby. I do not regret this decision.
I can’t imagine life if I had bore the seed of some of my exes, they were not always good people/boyfriends I can’t imagine the horrible fathers they would have made.
I also hear friends who had children very young talking about it resentfully, like it stole thier youth/body. I, on the other hand rocked a sexy bikini body in my late teens to mid twenties, traveled around the world, partied for days on end and worked on establishing my career.
Now that that’s out of my system I feel “ready” to have kids. I grew out of that stage in my life on my own not because I got knocked up and had to grow up. So even when I feel resentfull of all my “mom” friends I remind myself that this was my plan all along, and it’s just taking a little longer.
July 18, 2011
I’m here now, pretty sure I O’d between CD12-14. We did something very unromantic this time, DH splooged in a softcup and then I inserted it. I know it sounds horrible, but it’s the only way to guarantee the small amount got where it needed to go. (DH has low volume and just inserting the softcup after BD didn’t secure it all. We did make love a couple times in there too with lots of foreplay, so it wasn’t completely clinical and cold, but still felt silly for both of us.
July 19, 2011
Can I revive this thread? I would like to lay claim names, before they are all stolen by friends and family. How do I do this? It’s not like you can pee on them to mark them as your own. I’ve had several names just blantently snatched up, one girl even said something like “I know this was gonna be your girl name, but we really like it.” plus it was a family name, now we are out of luck. Are we doomed to have the leftover scraps of names since we can’t get knocked up before everyone else?
eta
plus it was a family nameI should mention it was my beloved grandmother’s name. My friend knew her and knew that I’ve always wanted to name a DD after her
I love the name Amelia, but have way too many “Amy’s” around to use that nickname. Does your daughter go by Amy? DH likes the nickname “Mellie”
ps I really like the name “Rain/Rayne”
My middle name is my grandmother’s name. My cousin used it for her girls middle name, but spelled it wrong. When she emailed me to tell me what that they were planning on naming her after Grandma, I corrected her on the spelling, and she said it was just a typo, but low and behold a few months later the birth announcement had the name spelled wrong again. It seems like a slap in the face. It’s part of my name so I know how to spell it, not to mention the fact that grandma pretty much raised me while my cousin lived 1000 miles away. Grrr, it probably shouldn’t bother me, but it does
Eta at least it’s family
July 20, 2011
Agree (100) Phonetic, made up spellings and names bother me too.
In my cousin’s case she didn’t seem to know how to spell Grandma’s name, so I don’t think she intentionally changed it. It’s like she didn’t care enough to get it right, it doesn’t seem so much like an ”honor” if you misspell it
July 25, 2011
BBs have been sore, like really sore, for the last few days. Usually they are only sore a couple days before AF, and that’s not due for a few days. I’m breaking out too. POAS twice (yesterday and Saturday) both times were (-) so mmmm. But I was only 7-9 DPO (never got a really clear positive OPK) guess I’ll just have to wait and see. I did buy more OPKs last night, so hopefully that will jinx me :-)
Spotting and cramps, AF will be here tomorrow :-(
what to do next? I’ve charted, used OPKs. I have regular cycles with clear temp shifts, cm, and LH surges and always had regular paps. DH had normal SA, neither of us are especially unhealthy, maybe I’m 10lbs and he’s 20 lbs over weight, but not enough that it should matter. I take prenatal vitamins, only half a cup of coffee
on weekdays. What are we doing wrong? And if I hear one more person say ”of course you’ll get pregnant, even crack heads get pregnant” I’m going to shoot them! Really you’re comparing me to a crackhead? And what if I can’t conceive I should start smoking crack?July 27, 2011
I’m on CD26 my cycles avg 27 days and I’m Confused. Monday I had my usual pre-AF brown spotting, then yesterday was the same with a few drops of bright red, then this morning only one drop of bright red. Usually my cycle is so predictable: 2-3 days brown spotting followed by one day of a consistent light red flow, then 1-2 days medium-heavy red flow followed by 1-2 days light red consistent flow, then tapering off to brown spotting for another 1-2 days. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m used to using liners and tampons and this time I’m using the soft cup, so it seems different, but it’s very weird.
eta correct avg cycle length
July 29, 2011
well, I’m back here again… really got motivated to get in shape this morning, unfortunately it was on my way to work… in an office… until 6:30pm… and we have dinner plans after work. So my actual working out will have to come tomorrow afternoon, hope I’m still motivated then :-/
eta if it’s not baby fat, it’s not as cute :-/ DH has been talking about getting in shape too, so maybe if we do this together it’ll work this time. I hate working out, so I have to trick myself into it by doing fun things that are still active and healthy (biking, walking, dancing, etc)
August 9, 2011
We’re doing science over here using softcups. it’s not romantic, but it’s the only way to be sure things get to where they need to be on the days it needs to be there. started on CD10, today is CD13
We’ve been talking about this too. We’ve been TTC for 13 months now. We don’t have a lot of savings to spend on expensive treatments or adoption right now.
Honestly if it weren’t so expensive/complicated I would’ve adopted right off the bat, now i’m finding that TTC is going to be expensive/complicated too.
I think we are going to continue trying for another five months, and then re-evaluate.
We’re saving money to buy a new house. Currently we are living in a lower income area and would like to be in a bit better neighborhood for raising children, but with the housing market the way it is, I don’t know how we’ll ever sell our house. So there’s been talk about using that money to do IVF. Then start saving again for later on when the babe is school age and then we can move.
Also there’s a possiblity we’ll just stop TTC and instead save money like crazy to move to a nicer nieghborhood and adopt when we’re about 40
I don’t think I can ever just resolve to be childless, where there is a will there is a way.
Not so much a vent, but I’m really freaked out. I’ve been having a wierd pang of pain in my right ovary, I thought it was O pain, but I noticed it throughout my last cycle. I also found a bump next to my cervix. I have an appt with my OB/GYN, but it’s not until end of September. I wonder what’s going on with me… nervous, scared, anxious.
August 12, 2011
Ok here I am CD16 we’ve done soft cups every day since CD10, going strong!
August 14, 2011
All right I’m here cd18, pretty sure I O’d onCD14. Going to the drs tuesday for my pains and lump think I’ll have them test my progesterone too just to be safe
Couldn’t get into my obgyn but got into my reg dr hopefully she can do us and check my progesterone
August 16, 2011
Well I went to my dr about my pains which said was probably just my ovaries working. She was surprised to hear that I was checking my own cervix and said that could be bad, causing infection… but didn’t check my lump or do an US. she said the Gyno should check all those things even though I told her I couldn’t get into my Gyno for a month and a half.
So basically it was a pointless visit, I’m about 6DPO, please oh please let me be pregnant so I tell my dr that all my charting and cervical checking paid off
August 17, 2011
| i posted some of this in the 2ww thread, but it’s really more of a vent. Myy regular dr has been doing my regular well woman’s check up for the last couple years since my ob/gyn moved out of town. I’ve got an appt with a new ob/gyn but not until end of september. So I went to my regular dr about my pelvic pains which said was probably just my ovaries working. I tolder her I found a lump next to my cervix. She was surprised to hear that I was checking my own cervix and said that could be bad, causing infection… She also didn’t care about any of my charts or thourough investigation I’ve done on fertility. She didn’t check my lump or do an US. she said the Gyno should check all those things and I should let her know when the gyno says… I hope she gives me better feed back on my charts So basically it was a pointless visit Yeah I wish my gp would’ve told me to just go to a Gyno a long time ago. Of the 11 paps I’ve had 9 of them have been with my gp. They were always normal so they said I didn’t need an on/gyn. Now that we’re having trouble ttc she’s referred me over. Oh well now from here on out I’ll have a hooha specialist! :-) I’m a new patient so maybe that’s why I can’t get in right away. Maybe I’ll try a different dr AF Due in 7 days… we had very successful “BD” on days -4-3-2-1 O +1+2+3+4 That’s a perfect score! Never done that before! Come on science don’t fail me now!!!! ;-) August 18, 2011 aprox 8DPO, sore boobs, that’s AF/PMS sympton #1, booooo eta and break outs double booooo we didn’t acually BD every time we used soft cups. It was more science that romance, so not sore or exhausted. That’s part of the reason we didn’t BD much, DH gets so hot and tired he doesn’t always finish. August 19, 2011 I know several girls that got pregnant “accidentally” while on the pill. I know for a fact that my best friend was very lax about taking it, and another was on antibiotics, but I don’t know about the other one. I know I was pretty careful with my pills, but did miss day here and there and would just double up, no pregnancies for me… now I’m wondering if it was the pills or just me :-/ I really wonder how (in)effective the pill can be or is it just that some people are super fertile/careless about taking the pill/or other drug interactions… mmm ponder August 21, 2011 CD 25 no spotting… Getting hopeful! August 22, 2011 well PISS! I’m out, spotting and cramps 12DPO AF will be here in a couple days. Damn it! I really had high hopes, even had dreams that it was a boy with dark hair, how can I mourn someone that never existed? August 25, 2011 ok got an appointment with my ob/gyn next tuesday to discuss fertility, get my pains and lump checked out. I’m really nervous but I feel good about taking action. Finally getting som official/professional advice. I feel like I’ve done everything in my power to take charge of my fertility (prenatal vitamins, charting, BDing, etc) and now I need to take that extra step. I’m really excited and nervous about our plan of action this cycle! I have an appt with my ob/gyn tuesday. I’m going to have her test my progesterone and do an US and whatever other tests she thinks would be good. Then depending on the findings I guess she’ll put me on drugs or suggest IVF or tell us to start saving our pennies to adopt. Honestly this is not the way I thought things would go. When we started this whole thing I thought we concieve naturally in a few months, But having a definitive solutions will make me feel better. I don’t like the waiting, wondering, up in the air feeling. We will be parents… oh yes we will :-) August 31, 2011 Ok my gyno said the lump feels ok. She said it could be anything from a lymphnode to a bloodvessel. Just to watch to see if it gets bigger. The pain in my right ovary she thinks is a ruptured cyst. She was very impressed with all the research and steps we’ve taken on our own. She agreed that it might just be our lack of hitting “green days” and low volume on DH’s part, but just to be sure they are going to start a fertility screening work up next cycle on CD 3 starting with a scan for follicles, then clomid, then blood tests, then more tests, then a dye to make sure there are no clogs in my falopian tubes, then if all that checks out we’ll be referred to an RE for the next step. This feels good to be taking the next step. I feel more incontrol even though i know i’m not ;-) September 1, 2011 Right now on CD9 will start “BDing” again tomorrow and every day until CD18. I really hope to catch this cycle so I can cancel my fertility testing for next month and instead have my first pregnancy check up :-) September 6, 2011 two bd’s today but a Negative opk Holy EWCM batman! Too bad DH and I are stuck at work until 5pm, but we sure are going to BD when we get home! I was just so proud of all that fertile CM, I had to share. September 7, 2011 THIS makes me crazy! First all these little secret games people play just make me feel left out like in gradeschool when the mean girls would have some inside joke and not tell me then laugh at me when I didn’t know. Second I have a girl friend that pretends to be pregnant. She thinks it’s funny to post it on April 1st, or “opposite day” I get very upset because she’s already had two unplanned pregancies and has not been financially stable or in a stable relationship and I’ve had to help her a lot. WTF is she doing getting pregnant again? Then when I ask her, she says “hell no i’m not pregnant! i would kill myself if i was!”… Wow, just, Wow! Plus she knows what I’ve been going through, not as much as you folks, but she knows we’re trying. Then I have another friend who’s on her 5th unplanned pregnancy and going for her 4th abortion and again is really flip about it, like she’s got an ant infestation in her house and just going to call an exterminator. I really avoid these girls these days, and instead hang with my more responsible, sensitive friends September 9, 2011 Realized some of the OPKs I was using expired in 2008… Bought a fresh batch a couple days ago, still not getting a +, but thinking I might have used one of the expired ones on the days I should have gotten a +. We made sure semen and cervix met on CD 10-16, I usually O around CD14, so I think we’ve done our part. September 10, 2011 I’m gonna park it over here. I had EWCM and O pains on CD14, we hit CD 10,11,12,13,14,15,16,&17 with the S-Cup full of semen on my cervix, so now we wait. If it didn’t work, it’s sure not for lack of trying Question: Can you have crazy EWCM without Ovulating? September 13, 2011 Ok I’m here now AF due in 7 days. Had a odd feeling in my loins today… soooo I had this crazy dream that zombies were taking over the town and I saw this as a perfect oportunity to “adopt” a baby. I found one that had been abandoned by her zombie mom. I snatched her up and taught her to call me mommy. Does this make me a psychopath? yeah I’m pretty sure it does. Also I have a vague memory of the zombie mom being the lady who has 19 (and counting) kids, so she’s got plenty to spare anyway :-/ September 19, 2011 took two tests, both negative, the slightest spotting today, so AF will probably be here in a couple days, which is good, it just means we can do the follicle test on CD3. I’m anxious to find out what the hell is going on. My mom had te nerve to tell me that I’m not getting pregnant because of our dogs… See she stayed the night and we hadn’t walked the dogs so they woke up really early. I don’t mind, we take turns getting up with them and then go back to bed. But she said the stress is preventing me from getting pregnant. That my body is telling me I have too much responsibility already. I don’t feel stressed, I love my dogs. They comfort me every mOnth when I get my BFN and if it were true that u couldn’t get pregnant while stressed, or getting up early o care for a living creature, then how does anyone with children get pregnant? I know she doesn’t know how much her advice bothers me. I asked her what her solution was. Does she want to adopt the dogs? No. Then I guess we’re keeping them. Also we’ve been on a couple vacations far away from the dogs and never got knocked up then either. Grrrrr Eta Dear Mom, You know if having a small creature wake u up prevented pregnancy DB would never have been born. Or any other 2nd 3rd 4th etc child. Also it’s an old wive’s tale that stress prevents pregnancy. Women in way more stressful situations than I (war zones, 5 kids, abusive relationships, stressful jobs) get pregnant. My dogs are my comfort every month when my period shows up uninvited. I love them. They don’t wake us up that early most of the time, just an hour before our alarm goes off and we take turns getting up with them. We’re used to it. It doesn’t stress us. It’s part of our routine. I feel u undermine what we’re going through when u suggest that there’s something I’m doing or choosing that’s causing us not to get pregnant We’re doing everything right. We didn’t start off stressed. We ”just relaxed” (the worst cliche u can say to an infertile btw) for the first 6 months and it still didn’t work. We’ve been on vacation miles away from the dogs and still nothing. I started tracking my cycle to see when/if I’m ovulating so that we make sure to bone on the right days. When that didn’t work, DH got checked. It’s not him so it must be me. I’m on vitamins, I eat pretty healthy, been exercising more, so I’m doing all I can. Now I’m stressed. And all the input from everyone telling me to ”relax” doesn’t help This is really hard for me and I need your support. But I can’t have u suggesting preposterous, unwarranted, invalid things and cliches. I’m a smart girl and I’m trying to be reasonable about this, but it’s not easy when we’ve been trying, relaxing, and whatever for 16 months and everyone around me tells me how they got knocked up so easily and everything I am doing wrong is preventing it. I love u Please research infertility and then Instead of giving me advice or cliches just be there for me during this confusing, uncertain, stressful, difficult time in my life Sooo they said I’m too have a follicle us on CD3 but the us lady is only ther on tuesday wtf? That will be tomorrow and cd1. Have any of u ha this scan? Will it work on cd1 or should I Go somewhere else on cd3? September 22, 2011 I’m sure I’m being overly sensitive but I just called to finalize my appt for u/s & blood work and she asked if I could be there at 7:30am or if I had LOs to get on the bus or off to school. I said ”no I’m actually coming in for infertility so not having a LO to pit on the bus or take to school is the problem” I hope I sounded just snarky enough. Question: she’s giving me clomid, is that normal? I’ve had no signs that I’m not ovulating. This is where I started my blog :-) |
not mine
Cycle 14 CD11
My best friend got pregnant with her son when we were 20. She didn’t have much family and the little she had was ill. Her “baby daddy” was in rehab and then prison. So I gladly stepped up to help her. I was there when he was born. I drove him to doctor appointments. I watched him take his first steps. I taught him to count. I fed, bathed, and clothed him. We used to joke that we were such a cute family (a lesbian couple and our baby). I loved him like my own, but he was not my own. Then my friend met someone and they moved in together and they didn’t really need me anymore. I still love her son, and he loves me, but he’s not mine. I don’t get to send him off for his first day of school, or help him with homework, or teach him to ride a bike. I don’t get the joy of coming home from work to his stories and hugs. I don’t get to tuck him in at night. I don’t have a say in how he is raised, or what he wears, or what he is exposed to, and I feel resentment about this. I know it’s crazy, but I helped to rear a child for the first 3 years of his life I got attached, and now it’s just gone.
My best friend got pregnant with her son when we were 20. She didn’t have much family and the little she had was ill. Her “baby daddy” was in rehab and then prison. So I gladly stepped up to help her. I was there when he was born. I drove him to doctor appointments. I watched him take his first steps. I taught him to count. I fed, bathed, and clothed him. We used to joke that we were such a cute family (a lesbian couple and our baby). I loved him like my own, but he was not my own. Then my friend met someone and they moved in together and they didn’t really need me anymore. I still love her son, and he loves me, but he’s not mine. I don’t get to send him off for his first day of school, or help him with homework, or teach him to ride a bike. I don’t get the joy of coming home from work to his stories and hugs. I don’t get to tuck him in at night. I don’t have a say in how he is raised, or what he wears, or what he is exposed to, and I feel resentment about this. I know it’s crazy, but I helped to rear a child for the first 3 years of his life I got attached, and now it’s just gone.
My fertile friends often say things along the lines of “if you need a kid, you can take mine.” It’s not a funny jest. If someone really wants to give me a baby, I’ll take it! Let’s sign the adoption papers. To the best of my abilities I will make sure he is taught proper English. I will not let him watch any movies or play any video games or listen to music with inappropriate content for his age. I will teach him to do chores. I will take him fishing and camping. I will raise him the way I want to raise a child. But when I say I want a baby of my own to raise and love and people offer me their cursing, slovenly, disrespectful 10 year old and tell me this will make not want kids, it just angers me.
I also find that in being there for friends and family’s children (which I have several times) I feel like I’ve put my own family on hold. First it was my best friend, then my brother (another “surprise” baby when the parents weren’t in a place financially or emotionally, so they he and the baby lived with us) then my best friend again (second baby daddy ended up being a dead beat too and I stepped up and help financially). Now ten years since the first baby that wasn’t mine; I’ve put so much time and effort into these kids and I want one of my own.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
In this alone
Well I definitely jinxed myself! Last night I had some serious hot flashes! I did get a good temp this morning though. Today is my last day of Clomid. I hope this thing works and gives us some answers. That's the worst part is the uncertainty. If I knew for sure we were not able to have babies naturally I could take the next step and start saving for adoption.
I've never been pregnant. I often read about women struggling with IF that have no problem getting pregnant, but staying pregnant. I honestly don't know which is worse. I almost feel that if we had suffered a loss it would at least be easier to talk to people like my mom. people often understand what it feels to lose something, but can't seem to sympathize with our situation of just never getting pregnant. They just say ''stop trying'' or ''relax'' or ''i knew this couple that tried for years and then they decided to adopt and bam! They got pregnant!'' I'm sure the things they'd say to ''comfort'' me after a loss would be just as bad, ugh
I just feel so alone
Eta I should say that I do have DH and he's very supportive and we're in this together but even he says I'm obsessing and talk about it too much. Also I'm not saying a loss is better than not getting pregnant at all, it's just that I feel a loss every month I get a BFN (big fat negative). All month I imagine creating this child, pick names and stare wishingly at my belly. Then when AF shows up all that is shattered and I mourn for something that never existed. I know I sound like a crazy person, but that's what IF does to you
I've never been pregnant. I often read about women struggling with IF that have no problem getting pregnant, but staying pregnant. I honestly don't know which is worse. I almost feel that if we had suffered a loss it would at least be easier to talk to people like my mom. people often understand what it feels to lose something, but can't seem to sympathize with our situation of just never getting pregnant. They just say ''stop trying'' or ''relax'' or ''i knew this couple that tried for years and then they decided to adopt and bam! They got pregnant!'' I'm sure the things they'd say to ''comfort'' me after a loss would be just as bad, ugh
I just feel so alone
Eta I should say that I do have DH and he's very supportive and we're in this together but even he says I'm obsessing and talk about it too much. Also I'm not saying a loss is better than not getting pregnant at all, it's just that I feel a loss every month I get a BFN (big fat negative). All month I imagine creating this child, pick names and stare wishingly at my belly. Then when AF shows up all that is shattered and I mourn for something that never existed. I know I sound like a crazy person, but that's what IF does to you
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Sex for fun?
Cycle 14 CD 8 4th day of Clomid Challange
DH and I had totally non TTC sex last night and it was great! That's something fertiles dOnt understand how sex can become a chore when TTC for so long.
I don't seem to be having any side effects from the Clomid ***knock knock on wood*** I had a couple twinges in my right ovary area, which is where my cyst ruptured two cycles ago, but i get those every cycle. I've been pretty sleepy and lazy, but nothing new there either. So one more day of Clomid tomorrow then back to the Dr for more blood work on CD10.
I've been temping again this cycle, but can't manage to get up at the same time every morning. Either I'm woken up before my alarm and immediately get up to pee (forgetting to take mt temp first) or I hit snooze and go back to sleep. Either way I miss getting my BBT at the right time. Will try harder for the rest of the cycle. Also having weird cramps today... Mmm
DH and I had totally non TTC sex last night and it was great! That's something fertiles dOnt understand how sex can become a chore when TTC for so long.
I don't seem to be having any side effects from the Clomid ***knock knock on wood*** I had a couple twinges in my right ovary area, which is where my cyst ruptured two cycles ago, but i get those every cycle. I've been pretty sleepy and lazy, but nothing new there either. So one more day of Clomid tomorrow then back to the Dr for more blood work on CD10.
I've been temping again this cycle, but can't manage to get up at the same time every morning. Either I'm woken up before my alarm and immediately get up to pee (forgetting to take mt temp first) or I hit snooze and go back to sleep. Either way I miss getting my BBT at the right time. Will try harder for the rest of the cycle. Also having weird cramps today... Mmm
Recap TTC February - June 2011
I've been part of the "knitters trying to concieve" (KTTC) group for a while now. It's actually the reason I went incognito because I knew too many people on there IRL and really needed the support of the KTTC group, but wasn't ready to share all this my real life people. It became a place to vent and share and cheer eachother on. It pretty much outlines everything we've been through in the last 8 months. Here are several of my posts:
February 1, 2011:
Well as my name implies, i’m incognito, but I wanted to share this with someone and felt anonymous was the way to go. My Partner and I have been trying to concieve for awhile now with no luck. I find myselft very depressed because I feel inadequate. See, before we ever met he and his girlfriend at the time got pregnant. They were very young and opted to terminate the pregnancy. It was a very hard, emotional decision and ultimately was the reason they broke up. I do not envy thier situation and can not fathom what that must have been like for them. However, now that many years later, I’m trying to get pregnat and I wonder if something is wrong with me. I even find myself very jealous of thier pregnancy.
Whew, that felt good to get that off my shoulders. I haven’t talked to anyone else about this and needed to “vent”
February 8, 2011
Pity Party Alert!
I’m feeling very sorry for myself lately. We’re TTC our first and it’s not going well. I feel like people TTC thier 2nd, 3rd, 4th, ETC have a leg up and I’m jealous that they already have a LO, but want more. I sometimes think somehow there’s a limited amount of baby dust out there and they’re taking it all for themselves. I understand the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, ETC times TTC may have not been a breeze for them as it’s been for me. I feel so hopeless I’m about to throw in the towel. I can’t imagine after having one LO going through all this again and again.
Poor pitiful me
hopes up too much this cycle. I’m either two days late or AF is due tomorrow, but no spotting or anything. I did have spotting on CD20 and CD24. I think I Od on CD 17, so that would be later than normal. I keep having pangs in my lower abdomen. I’m over analyzing every little symptom. My boobs feel huge. I just don’t know what’s going on
April 7, 2011
AF here again. I can’t even explain how much it bothers me that that means we won’t have a baby in 2011. I’m feeling very down and not hopeful for 2012 either
April 12, 2011
Why do I torchure myself? Everyday I read mothering blogs, and stalk my friends’ FB for new baby/kid pics. I can’t get enough, but then I find myself aching even more for one of my own. Also people ask us a lot if we’re trying. At first I would say “yes” then after it didn’t happen right away, they’d say “well stop trying, it’ll happen when you stop trying” Or they’d give us a sympathy cliche. Ok, “stop trying” for us that would mean even less BD, how is that supposed to help? I mean it’s hard enough to BD on the days we’re supposed to if we stopped trying we probably would only do it once a month, or not at all. <<< I realize this is a problem. We’re both really down after trying with no success for so long. We’ve both gotten reall out of shap. Both these things have killed our labido. Now we just say “we’re not not trying”
April 20, 2011
talking about our fertility with my in laws the other day (yeah that was fun) All the tests so far have come back normal and on paper we’re fertile so MIL asked if it’s possible that we’re not compatable, fertility-wise. Is that even possible? I’m healthy, he’s healthy our reproductive systems are healthy, but not baby yet. Maybe his sperm just don’t like my eggs, or my eggs are blocking out his sperm
May 4, 2011
spotting and cramps today! PISS! Piss! PISS! Piss! Guess April is not our month either, PISS! <<<< sorry I’m just so… pissed!
May 12, 2011
Ok I think I just have to accept that my periods are never going to be regular. I will continue to have between a 26-30 day cycle. This time around i’m going to take guaifenesin all next week (our “green week”)
According to FF (Fertility Friend, where I do all my charting and tracking)
O CD14-18
LP: 10-13 days
Cycle Length 25-30
I realize this is not totally out of wack, but I still find it hard to hit the window of oportunity when it changes from month to month. I mean we have enough trouble getting a BD in at all, the one or two that we get I’d like to be able to make sure it’s on the right days.
eta: I would just like everything to be exact: BD on CD 14 = Baby, but I realize it’s not that easy
May 18, 2011
CD 14 BD on CD 10,12,14 taking mucinex not temping this cycle because I obsess too much when I do. Will look into the low progesterone thing, interesting. My average LP is 12
May 19, 2011
The “pre-baby body”
Pretty much every woman I’ve ever known who’s had a kid(s) complains about how much things change (boobs, butt, belly) and I actually heard my friend’s husband making fun of another friend’s wife saying ever since she had her kid(s) she had “flap jack” boobs. Really?! WTF?! I should mention he’s a very insensitive jerk sometimes. I really don’t think my DH would care if I were to grow a proper mustache and a third arm, he’s just not hung up on looks. But I wonder how I’ll feel after I have a baby and no longer have my “pre-baby body” Will my self confidence and body image change? Probably. Hopefully I can look and those stretch marks and remember watching my belly grow as the baby inside of me did too, and see my not so perky boobs and think fondly on the many hours I nursed my LO and bonded and grew closer.
My mom has always had nice boobs, pre and post babies, so maybe my genetics will keep my boobs perky. Plus there’s always Victoria Secret to help them perk up. And honestly unless you’re really looking close stretch marks are not noticable. My GF complains about hers all the time, but if she never mentioned and point them out to me a foot from my face I couldn’t even see them.
First I freak out thinking about not ever being able to get pregnant, and now I’m freaking out thinking about what pregnancy might do to my body, and then next I will freak out about something else. I’m just prone to freak outs.
May 20, 2011
BD on CD 16, 18 and 20 just for good measure. DH has been really into it this cycle! Yay! Although, all the porn and sex has got me “thinking like a man” as DH puts it. We were out at a bar and I had the sudden thought that the hot, big boobed waitress should take of her top and start making out with the other hot waitress. LOL
May 22, 2011
FUDGE! we missed CD16 and I’m pretty sure I O’d today (CD18) no BD today either. So
much for our optimistic beginnings :-(
May 23, 2011
BD on CD 14 then nothing. O on CD 18, so that’s O-4, I don’t think our chances are so good :( Why couldn’t we have waited? Instead of shooting our wad on CD 10 & 12? I feel like that was a waste <<< only half serious, of course we enjoyed the sex and the growing closer, but I really want one of our growing closer events to be for the quickening of eggs (can you tell I’ve been reading Stranger in a Strange Land? ;)
ETA i’ve read that they can live up to 5 day, but I’m still not hopeful
I think we were too early though, the lifespan of sperm is only like 3 days right? I think 4 is pushing it, Oh well, there’s always next month.
i’m here but not optimistic for this cycle
May 31, 2011
CD9 POAS (peed on a stick, pregnancy test) (-) boo
June 1, 2011
10DPO sore bbs, peeing on all kinds of sticks from the dollar store, all are negative, 10-13D LP, so AF in the next 3 days, boooooooooooooo
June 2, 2011
11 DPO my max LP is 13 so guess 3 more days to agonize :-( I busted out the thermometer yesterday and temp is higher than normal for this time, but could be that our house is 80 degrees
June 3, 2011
spotting, cramps, i’m out, boooooooooo hooooooooooo. I asked DH what would be the game plan for next month, he said “lots of sex” I said we’ve tried that and when it gets to my “green days” we just stop or he doesn’t “pop” so we got nothin. I really don’t know what to do about this problem. Like I said before he doesn’t always “finish” even when we were dating we’d go on and on for hours and I’d finish, but not him. What’s up with that? SO frustrating, because I think if I could just get his sperm in me on the + day we’d get pregnant. We’ve both been checked out and medically we’re both good, but the physical act of baby making eludes us :-( IVF and adoption are not really an option for us, no $$ and INS doesn’t cover
June 9, 2011
Ok I’m f#@%ing determined to get pregnant this cycle, I don’t care if I have to forcefully milk DH’s prostate! Our plan is twice a day starting CD 12 through CD19 (I O between CD 14-18) DH doesn’t always ejaculate even when he climaxes, so we’re gonna try for twice a day. I’m on CD 6 now, so 6 more days and let the milking begin! LOL <<<< sorry if that creeps anyone out, I don’t think I’d actually do this, but I saw it in a movie and find it funny
February 1, 2011:
Well as my name implies, i’m incognito, but I wanted to share this with someone and felt anonymous was the way to go. My Partner and I have been trying to concieve for awhile now with no luck. I find myselft very depressed because I feel inadequate. See, before we ever met he and his girlfriend at the time got pregnant. They were very young and opted to terminate the pregnancy. It was a very hard, emotional decision and ultimately was the reason they broke up. I do not envy thier situation and can not fathom what that must have been like for them. However, now that many years later, I’m trying to get pregnat and I wonder if something is wrong with me. I even find myself very jealous of thier pregnancy.
Whew, that felt good to get that off my shoulders. I haven’t talked to anyone else about this and needed to “vent”
February 8, 2011
Pity Party Alert!
I’m feeling very sorry for myself lately. We’re TTC our first and it’s not going well. I feel like people TTC thier 2nd, 3rd, 4th, ETC have a leg up and I’m jealous that they already have a LO, but want more. I sometimes think somehow there’s a limited amount of baby dust out there and they’re taking it all for themselves. I understand the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, ETC times TTC may have not been a breeze for them as it’s been for me. I feel so hopeless I’m about to throw in the towel. I can’t imagine after having one LO going through all this again and again.
Poor pitiful me
hopes up too much this cycle. I’m either two days late or AF is due tomorrow, but no spotting or anything. I did have spotting on CD20 and CD24. I think I Od on CD 17, so that would be later than normal. I keep having pangs in my lower abdomen. I’m over analyzing every little symptom. My boobs feel huge. I just don’t know what’s going on
April 7, 2011
AF here again. I can’t even explain how much it bothers me that that means we won’t have a baby in 2011. I’m feeling very down and not hopeful for 2012 either
April 12, 2011
Why do I torchure myself? Everyday I read mothering blogs, and stalk my friends’ FB for new baby/kid pics. I can’t get enough, but then I find myself aching even more for one of my own. Also people ask us a lot if we’re trying. At first I would say “yes” then after it didn’t happen right away, they’d say “well stop trying, it’ll happen when you stop trying” Or they’d give us a sympathy cliche. Ok, “stop trying” for us that would mean even less BD, how is that supposed to help? I mean it’s hard enough to BD on the days we’re supposed to if we stopped trying we probably would only do it once a month, or not at all. <<< I realize this is a problem. We’re both really down after trying with no success for so long. We’ve both gotten reall out of shap. Both these things have killed our labido. Now we just say “we’re not not trying”
April 20, 2011
talking about our fertility with my in laws the other day (yeah that was fun) All the tests so far have come back normal and on paper we’re fertile so MIL asked if it’s possible that we’re not compatable, fertility-wise. Is that even possible? I’m healthy, he’s healthy our reproductive systems are healthy, but not baby yet. Maybe his sperm just don’t like my eggs, or my eggs are blocking out his sperm
May 4, 2011
spotting and cramps today! PISS! Piss! PISS! Piss! Guess April is not our month either, PISS! <<<< sorry I’m just so… pissed!
May 12, 2011
Ok I think I just have to accept that my periods are never going to be regular. I will continue to have between a 26-30 day cycle. This time around i’m going to take guaifenesin all next week (our “green week”)
According to FF (Fertility Friend, where I do all my charting and tracking)
O CD14-18
LP: 10-13 days
Cycle Length 25-30
I realize this is not totally out of wack, but I still find it hard to hit the window of oportunity when it changes from month to month. I mean we have enough trouble getting a BD in at all, the one or two that we get I’d like to be able to make sure it’s on the right days.
eta: I would just like everything to be exact: BD on CD 14 = Baby, but I realize it’s not that easy
May 18, 2011
CD 14 BD on CD 10,12,14 taking mucinex not temping this cycle because I obsess too much when I do. Will look into the low progesterone thing, interesting. My average LP is 12
May 19, 2011
The “pre-baby body”
Pretty much every woman I’ve ever known who’s had a kid(s) complains about how much things change (boobs, butt, belly) and I actually heard my friend’s husband making fun of another friend’s wife saying ever since she had her kid(s) she had “flap jack” boobs. Really?! WTF?! I should mention he’s a very insensitive jerk sometimes. I really don’t think my DH would care if I were to grow a proper mustache and a third arm, he’s just not hung up on looks. But I wonder how I’ll feel after I have a baby and no longer have my “pre-baby body” Will my self confidence and body image change? Probably. Hopefully I can look and those stretch marks and remember watching my belly grow as the baby inside of me did too, and see my not so perky boobs and think fondly on the many hours I nursed my LO and bonded and grew closer.
My mom has always had nice boobs, pre and post babies, so maybe my genetics will keep my boobs perky. Plus there’s always Victoria Secret to help them perk up. And honestly unless you’re really looking close stretch marks are not noticable. My GF complains about hers all the time, but if she never mentioned and point them out to me a foot from my face I couldn’t even see them.
First I freak out thinking about not ever being able to get pregnant, and now I’m freaking out thinking about what pregnancy might do to my body, and then next I will freak out about something else. I’m just prone to freak outs.
May 20, 2011
BD on CD 16, 18 and 20 just for good measure. DH has been really into it this cycle! Yay! Although, all the porn and sex has got me “thinking like a man” as DH puts it. We were out at a bar and I had the sudden thought that the hot, big boobed waitress should take of her top and start making out with the other hot waitress. LOL
May 22, 2011
FUDGE! we missed CD16 and I’m pretty sure I O’d today (CD18) no BD today either. So
much for our optimistic beginnings :-(
May 23, 2011
BD on CD 14 then nothing. O on CD 18, so that’s O-4, I don’t think our chances are so good :( Why couldn’t we have waited? Instead of shooting our wad on CD 10 & 12? I feel like that was a waste <<< only half serious, of course we enjoyed the sex and the growing closer, but I really want one of our growing closer events to be for the quickening of eggs (can you tell I’ve been reading Stranger in a Strange Land? ;)
ETA i’ve read that they can live up to 5 day, but I’m still not hopeful
I think we were too early though, the lifespan of sperm is only like 3 days right? I think 4 is pushing it, Oh well, there’s always next month.
i’m here but not optimistic for this cycle
May 31, 2011
CD9 POAS (peed on a stick, pregnancy test) (-) boo
June 1, 2011
10DPO sore bbs, peeing on all kinds of sticks from the dollar store, all are negative, 10-13D LP, so AF in the next 3 days, boooooooooooooo
June 2, 2011
11 DPO my max LP is 13 so guess 3 more days to agonize :-( I busted out the thermometer yesterday and temp is higher than normal for this time, but could be that our house is 80 degrees
June 3, 2011
spotting, cramps, i’m out, boooooooooo hooooooooooo. I asked DH what would be the game plan for next month, he said “lots of sex” I said we’ve tried that and when it gets to my “green days” we just stop or he doesn’t “pop” so we got nothin. I really don’t know what to do about this problem. Like I said before he doesn’t always “finish” even when we were dating we’d go on and on for hours and I’d finish, but not him. What’s up with that? SO frustrating, because I think if I could just get his sperm in me on the + day we’d get pregnant. We’ve both been checked out and medically we’re both good, but the physical act of baby making eludes us :-( IVF and adoption are not really an option for us, no $$ and INS doesn’t cover
June 9, 2011
Ok I’m f#@%ing determined to get pregnant this cycle, I don’t care if I have to forcefully milk DH’s prostate! Our plan is twice a day starting CD 12 through CD19 (I O between CD 14-18) DH doesn’t always ejaculate even when he climaxes, so we’re gonna try for twice a day. I’m on CD 6 now, so 6 more days and let the milking begin! LOL <<<< sorry if that creeps anyone out, I don’t think I’d actually do this, but I saw it in a movie and find it funny
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sendentary
Cycle 14 CD 6
I started clomid last night. I think I'll buy some guaifenesin too because I've heard clomid can thicken CM.
Not really too much to report. I've got lots to do tomorrow on my day off, so that should keep my mind off TTC. I feel VERY tired today. Don't know why because I slept all weekend. I did partake in some Oktoberfest festivities on Friday night and then go for a long walk with DH on Saturday.
I've gained so much weight since first going off BC. I've gained 25 lbs and gone from a size 4/6 to a size 10/12. Not that there's anything wrong with being a size 10/12, but I don't fit in any of my old clothes and I am feeling more and more sluggish. I eat well (meaning I get lots of fruits, fiber, veggies, etc) but I also eat everything else too and don't exercise much. This is something I am continually working on, but find difficult.
I started clomid last night. I think I'll buy some guaifenesin too because I've heard clomid can thicken CM.
Not really too much to report. I've got lots to do tomorrow on my day off, so that should keep my mind off TTC. I feel VERY tired today. Don't know why because I slept all weekend. I did partake in some Oktoberfest festivities on Friday night and then go for a long walk with DH on Saturday.
I've gained so much weight since first going off BC. I've gained 25 lbs and gone from a size 4/6 to a size 10/12. Not that there's anything wrong with being a size 10/12, but I don't fit in any of my old clothes and I am feeling more and more sluggish. I eat well (meaning I get lots of fruits, fiber, veggies, etc) but I also eat everything else too and don't exercise much. This is something I am continually working on, but find difficult.
Friday, September 23, 2011
The "dildo cam" and other options
Well, I had my first experience with the “dildo cam” today. I did not think they were going to do an internal US, but sure enough out came the dildo cam, condom, lube and all. It was very awkward, but the technician was very nice. She said I have “lots of follicles” and I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing. They also made me pee in a cup only to have me carry the cup across the hospital and then didn’t actually need it. They then took blood to test my baseline FSH (the follicle stimulation hormone before it actually starts to kick in). All these tests are to see where my levels are before I’m fertile. Next week I’ll take clomid CD5-9 and they’ll test me again on Friday. Hopefully I’ll have some nice mature follicles ready to pop. Then CD 21 I go in for a progesterone test. It’s called “The Clomid Challenge” and I’m actually really excited for it. I feel like I’m on some reality show competition. I’m going to start temping again and maybe even invest in a fancy digital OPK (ovulation predictor kit).
After all these tests this cycle, if all looks well with my hormones and follicles then we’re looking at a possible tube blockage and that’ll be the final test. If my tubes are clear we’ll do IUI (intrauterine insemination, basically they shoot DH’s sperm into my uterus). And if that still doesn’t work (or if my tubes are blocked), we’re pretty much SOL (shit out of luck). Not only do we not have the money for IVF (in vitro fertilization), but it’s not a guaranteed thing. If we spend all our money (that we don’t have) on it and it doesn’t work we definitely won’t be able to adopt.
I really want to adopt. Ever since I saw Baby Boom as a child I knew I wanted someone to give me a baby to raise as my own. I now realize that’s not realistic, and adoption is complicated and expensive, which is why we decided to make a baby the old fashioned way, which is turning out to be complicated and expensive… grrrrr. Plus there's that whole basic, biological instinct to breed. Oh yeah my loins definately yearn for an offspring.
So that’s the plan, keep trying the old fashion way (BD on fertile days) until we get some conclusive test results back. Then, if that doesn’t work, possible IUI. Then if that doesn’t work then we’ll start saving for adoption. Whatever happens, the end result will be us having a baby to cherish and love and rear.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Introduction
Cycle 14 CD2 (will try to keep track of my cycles here, got this idea from my blog inspiration yolk)
Well, I decided to start anonymously keeping track of ourstruggle journey to have a baby. I like to blog, and have done so for a while and even mentioned TTC (trying to conceive) in the beginning, but I have too many people who I know IRL (in real life) that read it, and it got awkward when month after month we failed.
I'll try to define the acronyms as I go and keep my cynicism to a minimum or at least keep it at entertaining level.
So here’s my story:
I went off BC (birth control) July 2010. We took a very relaxed approach to TTC for the first 4 cycles. We thought we'd just ''let it happen.'' When that didn't work I started temping and charting to see when/if I was ovulating. I learned a lot about myself and the whole reproduction process. I felt very optimistic that I could recognize the “fertile signs” and we could BD (baby dance aka bone aka s.e.x.) on the right days. This was harder than I imagined. We both lacked the stamina and labido and schedules required for BD on the 5 green (fertile) days each month. We did hit the right days at least 6 months, but still nothing. So DH (dear husband) went to get a SA (sperm analysis) in April 2011. All is well on that front. Now it’s my turn and I’m scared as hell, but still optimistic (always am at the beginning of the cycle after my AF (aunt flo aka period aka i'm not pregnant) cry.
I have an US (ultra sound) and blood work scheduled for tomorrow. My gyno is also going to put me on clomid. I'm not sure how I feel about this. It's my understanding that clomid is for women who are not ovulating. I however have all the symptoms of a woman that is ovulating. I have a definate drop and spike in my BBT (base basil temperature) EWCM (eggwhite cervical mucus aka fertile cervical mucus) and O (ovulation) pain all usually between CD(cycle day) 13 &18. I will let you know more when I do.
eta (edited to add) I found out that clomid is also used for women who may be ovulating but the eggs aren't maturing. Also clomid can increase your chance of multiple o_O Yipes!
Well, I decided to start anonymously keeping track of our
I'll try to define the acronyms as I go and keep my cynicism to a minimum or at least keep it at entertaining level.
So here’s my story:
I went off BC (birth control) July 2010. We took a very relaxed approach to TTC for the first 4 cycles. We thought we'd just ''let it happen.'' When that didn't work I started temping and charting to see when/if I was ovulating. I learned a lot about myself and the whole reproduction process. I felt very optimistic that I could recognize the “fertile signs” and we could BD (baby dance aka bone aka s.e.x.) on the right days. This was harder than I imagined. We both lacked the stamina and labido and schedules required for BD on the 5 green (fertile) days each month. We did hit the right days at least 6 months, but still nothing. So DH (dear husband) went to get a SA (sperm analysis) in April 2011. All is well on that front. Now it’s my turn and I’m scared as hell, but still optimistic (always am at the beginning of the cycle after my AF (aunt flo aka period aka i'm not pregnant) cry.
I have an US (ultra sound) and blood work scheduled for tomorrow. My gyno is also going to put me on clomid. I'm not sure how I feel about this. It's my understanding that clomid is for women who are not ovulating. I however have all the symptoms of a woman that is ovulating. I have a definate drop and spike in my BBT (base basil temperature) EWCM (eggwhite cervical mucus aka fertile cervical mucus) and O (ovulation) pain all usually between CD(cycle day) 13 &18. I will let you know more when I do.
eta (edited to add) I found out that clomid is also used for women who may be ovulating but the eggs aren't maturing. Also clomid can increase your chance of multiple o_O Yipes!
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