Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Good news everybody!
We had someone offer us an interest free loan for the IVF. Unfortunately it was after we already signed up with medloan finance and paid $1165 for a processing fee (something I'm still trying to dispute).
Right now its CD31 I'm wishing for AF to show up (that's something I'd never thought I'd say while TTC) so I can start BC. Then we are on vacation in July then we start the drugs in August. Target retrieval date of September 12 & target transfer date of September 15.
I have such high hopes for this! They say with our good test results, ICSI, and IVF we have a 66% chance of success. Compared to our monthly chances trying by ourselves was 2% I feel pretty good about 66%.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Body
Ok I've gained about 35lbs since the wedding and TTC (from a size 6 to a size 12). My boobs got bigger (yay) and are still very perky. My butt is bigger, but again still sits up where it's "supposed" to. My belly is poochy, which I hate, but generally everything is still wrapped up nicely. No sagging, no stretch marks, no drooping. This is something that I expect to change after bearing a child (children). I'm totally ok with that, but it's just something to think about. I have a friend who's had three babies and after the first I was told by her husband's best friend that she had "flapjack titties" (she flashed them.) I will not be flashing anyone, never have. Anyway I came across this article which made me think.
Monday, May 14, 2012
I'm More Infertile Than You
Yes I realize this is not a competition, but it irks me when people complain about being IF when they've only been off BC for three months, or already have a kid (or kids) and can't easily get pregnant the second (third, forth, fifth) time. I just hate that. Or worse is when someone tries to console me or comiserate with me by telling me how it took them six months to concieve there first child, 20 months to concieve their second child and their third was an "accident." First of all F OFF! You have three kids! I have none. Second, 6 months?! REALLY!? Try 25 Cycles! And we have no kids. IDK maybe people who've been TTC longer than me, feel that way when I complain about my 25 cycles, but I just really can't have any pity for those TTC #2, #3, #4, etc.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Decision Time
I did something kinda mean at work tos a coworker. She is 11weeks and was just complaining about daycare and maternity leave. She knows we’ve been struggling and said ”just so u know if...no, WHEN u get pregnant u only get 6 weeks” (shes one of these fertile optimist BS spewers who also told me we weren’t getting pregnant because its just not meant to be, and it'll happen when we stop trying)
Anyway,
I said "o I don’t have to worry about that I’ll never get pregnant, dr says I’m broken” I told her about all out tests and that my FSH levels are high which could mean I have bad eggs and missed my window of fertility when I was younger. Then I went into the complications (emotionally, physically, and financially) of fertility treatment and adoption.
Then she just stood there, teared up, and said she was so sorry and maybe she should think about those things before she complains.
Sorry I let infertility make me a bitch today, but it made me feel better, and hopefully will help her to think before she complains to infertiles. I really like this girl and I'm supportive of her and her pregnancy, but I have to look out for my feelings too.
Also a couple weeks ago DH talked to his best friend (see loud, opinionated, and bombarding DH with questions and inquiries without being fully educated on IF) and came home to hash it out with me. He said he wouldn’t accept the whole “unexplained IF” and wanted a second opinion and more tests. I got really upset because it really slammed on the brakes on my babytrain. Plus we’d already spent $3000 out on tests. I've told him all about what "unexplained IF" means, but apparently he doesn't always listen when I'm droning on about IF, so when his friend started asking questions and he didn't know the answers it freaked him out.
Anyway, we did have more tests (still showed nothing except confirmed that my FSH is 10.9, which is kinda high) and talked to three different IF specialists. Basically we’re considered “subfertile” and instead of the normal 20% chance of getting knocked up ours might be more like 2% due to possibly not Oing one cycle, or missing BD on the right days, or whatever. The dr said there are lots of probabilities and ratios and for whatever reason we’re not getting knocked up naturally. Where a normal fertile couple takes 12 mos on average, it could take us 90 mos (or longer)
Also, they say any additional testing is pointless because whatever “problem” they find, IVF will circumvent it. We’ve ruled out sperm count/quality, DNA fragmentation, hormones, and ovary/tubal/uterus issues.
Now DH is back on board, he's even been calling the different fertility clinics and getting info! We're both going to my consult/US on the 24th so he can get the info directly from the Dr. We're pretty sure we're going with Dr Silber or Dr Ahlering. Dr Ahlering is young and good looking. I've met him and I feel very comfortable with him. IVF with him is $10725 + $580 for anesthesia + $720 to freeze the extra ebryos + $610/year to store embryos + $500 for assisted hatching + $3000-$6000 for meds + $340 for US + $300 for SA and DNA fragmentation + whatever the ins charges for bloodwork. So a max total of approx $22000.
Dr Silber is older, more experienced and worked to develop ICSI (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection). I haven't met him yet, so I don't know what kind of rapor I'll have with him. The IVF with him would be $11700 + $3000-50000 for meds + whatever our ins charges for bloodwork. So a max total of approx $18000.
Anyway,
I said "o I don’t have to worry about that I’ll never get pregnant, dr says I’m broken” I told her about all out tests and that my FSH levels are high which could mean I have bad eggs and missed my window of fertility when I was younger. Then I went into the complications (emotionally, physically, and financially) of fertility treatment and adoption.
Then she just stood there, teared up, and said she was so sorry and maybe she should think about those things before she complains.
Sorry I let infertility make me a bitch today, but it made me feel better, and hopefully will help her to think before she complains to infertiles. I really like this girl and I'm supportive of her and her pregnancy, but I have to look out for my feelings too.
Also a couple weeks ago DH talked to his best friend (see loud, opinionated, and bombarding DH with questions and inquiries without being fully educated on IF) and came home to hash it out with me. He said he wouldn’t accept the whole “unexplained IF” and wanted a second opinion and more tests. I got really upset because it really slammed on the brakes on my babytrain. Plus we’d already spent $3000 out on tests. I've told him all about what "unexplained IF" means, but apparently he doesn't always listen when I'm droning on about IF, so when his friend started asking questions and he didn't know the answers it freaked him out.
Anyway, we did have more tests (still showed nothing except confirmed that my FSH is 10.9, which is kinda high) and talked to three different IF specialists. Basically we’re considered “subfertile” and instead of the normal 20% chance of getting knocked up ours might be more like 2% due to possibly not Oing one cycle, or missing BD on the right days, or whatever. The dr said there are lots of probabilities and ratios and for whatever reason we’re not getting knocked up naturally. Where a normal fertile couple takes 12 mos on average, it could take us 90 mos (or longer)
Also, they say any additional testing is pointless because whatever “problem” they find, IVF will circumvent it. We’ve ruled out sperm count/quality, DNA fragmentation, hormones, and ovary/tubal/uterus issues.
Now DH is back on board, he's even been calling the different fertility clinics and getting info! We're both going to my consult/US on the 24th so he can get the info directly from the Dr. We're pretty sure we're going with Dr Silber or Dr Ahlering. Dr Ahlering is young and good looking. I've met him and I feel very comfortable with him. IVF with him is $10725 + $580 for anesthesia + $720 to freeze the extra ebryos + $610/year to store embryos + $500 for assisted hatching + $3000-$6000 for meds + $340 for US + $300 for SA and DNA fragmentation + whatever the ins charges for bloodwork. So a max total of approx $22000.
Dr Silber is older, more experienced and worked to develop ICSI (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection). I haven't met him yet, so I don't know what kind of rapor I'll have with him. The IVF with him would be $11700 + $3000-50000 for meds + whatever our ins charges for bloodwork. So a max total of approx $18000.
So we're leaning towards Dr Silber, but we'll see how the consultation goes.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Think We're Going For It
Cycle 24 CD 26
Well I'm cramping today, so it has now been two years worth of cycles. DH said "giving up is not an option" and that really changed my outlook on this whole thing. We can't give up, I know I often feel like I want to, but I cannot live without having a family. I need to be a mother. Being an aunt, dog mom, babysitter is not enough. So now we're plunging foward. We're doing IVF. I used to have such a bad feeling about IVF, but now that I'm in the situation where we need it and I've done more research on all the different options I feel differently. I used to think "why would you pay all this money for a medical procedure when you could just adopt?" First of all you can't "just adopt" there are waiting lists, red tape, lots of money, lots of ups and down and no for sure outcome. IVF is cheaper and since we have no obvious health reasons why we can't get pregnant it'll most likely work. Even if it doesn't we won't have a baby taken from us (which I've read about with adoptive parents where the birth parents change their mind up to two years later and take the baby back).
Mom is going to help us, we're saving money, and we're doing this.
Well I'm cramping today, so it has now been two years worth of cycles. DH said "giving up is not an option" and that really changed my outlook on this whole thing. We can't give up, I know I often feel like I want to, but I cannot live without having a family. I need to be a mother. Being an aunt, dog mom, babysitter is not enough. So now we're plunging foward. We're doing IVF. I used to have such a bad feeling about IVF, but now that I'm in the situation where we need it and I've done more research on all the different options I feel differently. I used to think "why would you pay all this money for a medical procedure when you could just adopt?" First of all you can't "just adopt" there are waiting lists, red tape, lots of money, lots of ups and down and no for sure outcome. IVF is cheaper and since we have no obvious health reasons why we can't get pregnant it'll most likely work. Even if it doesn't we won't have a baby taken from us (which I've read about with adoptive parents where the birth parents change their mind up to two years later and take the baby back).
Mom is going to help us, we're saving money, and we're doing this.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Sweet buttery biscuits!!!! This shit is expensive!!! DH is going in for another SA and a DNA fragmentation test $450. Then I'll have my 2nd US and bloodwork that I can only imagine will be expensive to say the least, but I do have a finance consult on Monday on my lunch hour. So after we spend $20k on IVF then we have to pay for the prenatal care and birth then 18 years of medical bills. This kid better be worth it ;-) honestly though that's a lot of pressure put on this on kid. I'd go to the moon and back to get one though so no matter what he'll be super special
Should I stay or should I go?
So we got another bill from the IUI ($265) so now we're up to $590 for that waste of time :-(
Girl at work driving me crazy. She waddles around like she's nine months (she's 10 weeks from date of last period), rubbing her belly, constantly complaining about symptoms, telling everyone every detail. Plus she' so uninformed. She'll tell me things like "did you know you can't eat lunch meat/sushi/aspartame when you're pregnant?" DUH! I've been around so many pregnant women and read so much information about conception, pregnancy, etc. I feel like an expert and here's this naive little fertile asking me "did you know you can only get pregnant like 3 days a month?" grrrrrrrr She also made the comment that she "quit smoking... mostly, I only take a few puffs off [DH's] cigarette" and "we have nothing to do anymore. all we ever did was go to bars and drink and smoke" so now she either goes and just "has a little" or her DH just leaves her at home to go drink and smoke with the neighbors every night. She also complains about how they don't have any money to raise this baby and all the family history of alcoholism, schizophrenia, depression, etc. It just frustrates me that someone who not really prepare for this baby and is so uninformed can so easily get pregnant by just stopping the pill.
Anyway, I had a consultation with two fertility specialist. Found out I may have high FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) and DH might have low sperm count and high morphology. Basically a lot of the tests my OB/GYN ran we read and/or done poorly. If we do the 3 cycle IVF plan we're looking at >$30k. We might be able to swing one treatment, but it's still very pricey and not guaranteed. I'm so conflicted right now. Still feeling like giving up, but also feel like "what the hell? let's throw all our money at this and hope it works!"
Girl at work driving me crazy. She waddles around like she's nine months (she's 10 weeks from date of last period), rubbing her belly, constantly complaining about symptoms, telling everyone every detail. Plus she' so uninformed. She'll tell me things like "did you know you can't eat lunch meat/sushi/aspartame when you're pregnant?" DUH! I've been around so many pregnant women and read so much information about conception, pregnancy, etc. I feel like an expert and here's this naive little fertile asking me "did you know you can only get pregnant like 3 days a month?" grrrrrrrr She also made the comment that she "quit smoking... mostly, I only take a few puffs off [DH's] cigarette" and "we have nothing to do anymore. all we ever did was go to bars and drink and smoke" so now she either goes and just "has a little" or her DH just leaves her at home to go drink and smoke with the neighbors every night. She also complains about how they don't have any money to raise this baby and all the family history of alcoholism, schizophrenia, depression, etc. It just frustrates me that someone who not really prepare for this baby and is so uninformed can so easily get pregnant by just stopping the pill.
Anyway, I had a consultation with two fertility specialist. Found out I may have high FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) and DH might have low sperm count and high morphology. Basically a lot of the tests my OB/GYN ran we read and/or done poorly. If we do the 3 cycle IVF plan we're looking at >$30k. We might be able to swing one treatment, but it's still very pricey and not guaranteed. I'm so conflicted right now. Still feeling like giving up, but also feel like "what the hell? let's throw all our money at this and hope it works!"
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